Homesickness and Culture Clashes

I've been struggling for some time with some culture clashes and homesickness as has probably been apparent in a few of my posts. These have peeked recently and since I have been so candid in the past I thought I might as well share my thoughts and emotional struggles as well.

I've spent long periods away from the US before, so I've experienced homesickness before. I was expecting to experience the same types of things this time around and I did at first. The longer I have been here, however, the worse some of these feelings have gotten and recently they hit a fevered pitch. After a lot of reflection and a lot of conversations with multiple friends (thank you to everyone - you know who you are) I have started to piece together what I am really feeling and why. This is a normal process for me when I'm faced with strong negative emotions because I don't like to be unhappy and therefore I like to understand my feelings in order to correct whatever needs to be corrected. I have come to a few major conclusions that have been very helpful.

My first conclusion is that my homesickness is stronger this time because my home life is happier now. I sincerely love DC, Georgetown, the CR Program and all of my wonderful friends and I miss all of these places and people terribly. This was actually a comfort to me, like most people, I have had my ups and downs in the past few years and it was great to recognize and acknowledge that I am actually in the midst of an "up" time and it is my desire to continue to enjoy these people and places that is making me sad. Ironic but now that I know it I can express these emotions more positively and productively.

Second, I have been struggling with a few cultural clashes that have been extremely frustrating. Some I was forewarned but in the end it didn't seem to matter as they are all equally frustrating. Most of these clashes revolve around the cultural conceptions of time, punctuality and scheduling. I am pretty much obsessive compulsive when it comes to punctuality and this OCD is very contradictory to the local cultural understanding of time and schedules as fluid and flexible. I know there is no "right" or "wrong" in this situation. There is only what I am "used to" and what I am not. I have my good and bad days with this and I recently had a very bad day, which prompted a lot of these reflections.

Third and most influential is my realization that much of my frustration stems from the common source of the dependent lifestyle I have to live while here. What I am referring to is my almost complete dependence on others for my ability to move around the city. Buses in San Salvador are fairly unreliable and not terribly safe (the most common threat is pick pocketing but other things have been known to happen). Suffice it to say Eva is not encouraging us to utilize the buses that run within the city. Taxis can get pricey if you're using them a lot and my lack of Spanish language skills and my lack of familiarity with the city can make giving directions a challenge. I think it has been this problem that has been the most frustrating and it has increased the effects of the other two challenges.I'm used to being able to independently move freely around DC, which allows me the flexibility to adjust my schedule more easily when plans need to change, an ability I don't really have here. I truly think this has been the cause of so much of my frustration and I am hoping that now that I recognize this I will be able to avoid any more moments of extreme frustration.

My experiences thus far have been too good to allow them to be spoiled by such a petty cultural clash. I thought I would share all of this with you because I know it was a comfort to me to learn that my reaction is not uncommon for Americans in Central America. This is a process I think many, if not most, people go through when they spend extended amounts of time away from their home country/culture. For any of you who may be struggling through similar homesickness/cultural clashes, you are not alone.